At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
