For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Randomize
