So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
