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• (850): View more from Florida

  hey. who tried to drive me home last night?

  (904): View more from Florida

  not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?

  (850): View more from Florida

  i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.

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• (860): View more from Connecticut

  i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?

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• (817): View more from Texas

  maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.

  Fav 14 5257 877

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• (734): View more from Michigan

  wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer

  Fav 30 6027 1003

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• (612): View more from Minnesota

  I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.

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• (816): View more from Missouri

  Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed

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• (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.

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• (781): View more from Massachusetts

  There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night

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• (715): View more from Wisconsin

  If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.

  (1-715): View more from Wisconsin

  I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)

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• (339): View more from Massachusetts

  In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.

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• (847): View more from Illinois

  Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun

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• (720): View more from Colorado

  I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months

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• (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.

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• (317): View more from Indiana

  Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?

  (765): View more from Indiana

  You haven't lost that air of class about you...

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