I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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