I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Just pee around me
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
