took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
What a dumb baby whore.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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