If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
3pm strippers are depressing
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
My dad just said "fuck circus"
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
