OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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