Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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