After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
The power of my boobs compel you
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
