I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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