You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
