would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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