I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
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