are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
