Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Someone came in the potted fern
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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