dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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