were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
