You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
