i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
