I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
