I want to make a zoo with you.
he thought i was a dude.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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