im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
her facebook's as public as her vagina
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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