hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
