Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
