somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
my liver is dry heaving
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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