You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
it glows. i had to have it.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
there is glitter all over my balls
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize