We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
