Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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