At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
