If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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