you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
