i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
