I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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