There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
