also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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