I think i peed on brittanys purse
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
