The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
