I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
