Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Randomize