it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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