Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
