I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
