Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
