He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
