If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
