I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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