Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
i used baking grease as lip gloss
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
