I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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