guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
did i just pee glitter
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
