I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize