girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
