Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
