He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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