Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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