I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Semen is not good for contacts.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
