I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
