remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
be right there i have to get my cape
I just had sex on a roof
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
