It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
