We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
