Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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