What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
She just used a chaser for red wine.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Randomize
